What Feeling Is This?
by Vampiratelvr
Summary: A collection of Twilightbased poems ranging from Edward's angst to short stories with poetry in them. Chapter 4: If Bella had died when jumping off of the cliff. A short story based off of a poem by me.
1. What Feeling Is This?

What ever am I feeling,

That causes me to look at you

And at your face, it's so appealing

Can't you see what you can do?

Your blood sings to the monster with

The sweetest scent I've ever smelled

And you, oh goddess of this earth-

The sweetest thing I've ever held

Your fingers grace my cold stone arm

A shiver runs through my back

Anything wishing to harm you

Will have to suffer my attack

Oh, this feeling, it is strange

Of my sins I do repent

And you, oh angel of this age

Are clearly heaven-sent

What feeling is this, that I would find

Something strange, so deep inside?

I know naught of what it is

But now I start to think of this

With open heart and open mind

I start to think and realize

This feeling, hidden in my soul

Will spark the greatest love story

That ever will be told

_A vampire and a human_

_A monster and a saint_

_A vampire who loves her_

_And a girl whose soul he'll taint_

_He wishes to protect her_

_But it is so hard to when_

_Her blood sings so compellingly _

_And strives to conquer him_

_This girl is so determined _

_And very much resolved_

_To save her love and her protector_

_From hell's dark and steadfast hold_

_But she believes,_

_Against all odds_

_That her demon _

_Is a god_

_This story tells of creatures_

_Who intertwine their hearts_

_Each one's love-captive features_

_Cause the two to part_

_And after months of sadness_

_Grief, despair, and fear_

_The two are brought together_

_To dry each other's tears_

_These trials, they are compensated by _

_What happens when story's done_

_At the end of their adventures _

_They will join themselves as one_

Whatever is this feeling

That holds me tight and fast?

It is strong and powerful

And I think that it will last

Whatever is this feeling?  
I think that I do know

This emotion I've been feeling

It is love, forevermore

**A/N – Hello again! I tried my hand at poetry…what do you think? **

**I've put a poll on my profile, the question being 'What's your favorite Twilight/ New Moon/ Eclipse quote THAT IS PROVIDED!' There are thirty-two possible selections. You may select five. Please, tell me what you think of this poem. I may or may post another one I wrote. Again, from Edward's point of view…of when he left Bella.**


	2. The Lie

The Lie

Why?

Why did you leave me?

Did you always deceive me?

Everything that you said?

Was it a lie?

Should I be dead?

What should I sacrifice

To pay the price

For my mistake

And for your sake?

Should I give you my heart?

No, when you depart

You'll take my heart with you

What else can I give you?

I can't

There is nothing

Nothing to give you,

Who's so perfect, so true

So true, but for the words

That you said were right,

That they were correct

Here I am, bereft,

Of you 

You have it all

You made me fall

I cried when you let go

I'll never let you know

Just how hurt I am inside

You've taken more away

Than simply my pride

You've got all of me

My soul, my heart, my life

And if you leave me,

I will die

I am a lie


	3. It Is Death

Oh, God, I'm such a fool!

How could I be so cruel?

To leave you, screaming, crying

I swear – I think you're dying!

I turn around once more

Down the rain does pour

You close your eyes in pain

Will I e'er see you again?

A final kiss

Eternal bliss

I wince, I sigh

This is good-bye

I run away

Your face in mind

It's here to stay

It will not let me

Leave it behind

I see your face,

So cold, so pure

You look in pain

Just as I am

Every day

Both you and I

Will never be the same

Eternity brings peace to others,

But damnation to my mind

For every day

Includes this memory

So very close behind

This memory

So true, so strong

Will crush me deeply,

Eternity's too long

Until there's nothing else

That's left to crush,

I will survive

If this is life

My soul - what's left -

Will not survive

My heart, my reason

It is death

I thought you'd be fine

That you'd move on

You had time

There's still the dawn

New days to wipe away your pain

But not for me – my pains remain

The vision implied

What happened instead

After you cried

I see that you're dead

And then I hear

That you have died

It is my fear

That day you cried

How could this happen?

I see that, too

How could this happen?

It all comes down to you

Your lips form a silent scream

Things happen like a dream

You draw a breath

And it is death

For eternity you'll lie like this,

Your mouth twisted in distaste

As if you meant to call to me

And couldn't in death's haste

No, this can't be true

So long I would wait for you

To want me, need me, love me

But you're so far above me!

Into heaven you will soar

I can't take it anymore

Don't leave me

Don't deceive me

It is too late

'cause it is death


	4. Down to Sleep

**A/N – This story is in a different format and style than any I have ever written. It seems choppy, but that is the style. This is when Edward leaves Bella – from his point of view. It's choppy because he's not together anymore – he's breaking apart. It is based upon an alternate version of the 'now I lay me down to sleep' prayer. I created it. All recognizable characters and related indicia are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

_I left…I left…I left her…my angel…my Bella…_

_But it's for the best._

The phone rings. That irritating sound that he has heard for so long. Desperate calls from his family. A worried Alice. He grimaces. Poor girl – seeing the things that he has planned for himself – for his own demise.

His brow creases further. It creases in pain. The pain that has engulfed him for so long…for the past many months. He doesn't know how long it has been.

No, he does. He does know how long it has been.

An eternity. Or rather, a lifetime. A growing feeling inside of him tells him that his lifetime will soon end. He smiles. It will end by his own hand.

The phone rings again. Angrily, he snatches the small silver contraption from out of his jeans' pocket.

"Alice," he whispers. His voice is awful, hoarse. As if he hasn't spoken in months, hasn't had a drink of water for days. In actuality, it has been years. But he hasn't filled his thirst in days, hasn't fed off of yet another animal to prolong his own lifetime.

"Edward," growls the voice of Alice, muted but still threatening. He cringes. "How is it that I see you running off to kill yourself? I-"

"Alice," he interrupts dully. "I won't." There is silence. He reaches into her mind, so far away, but so familiar. A vision.

Of him. Crumpled, shaking. Curled into a ball. Strangled sobs…

The vision fades.

"Oh." Alice is quiet for a moment." "I…Edward? Do you want to talk? About …anything?"

"No." He knows it is harsh, he knows he is being cruel, unjust, but he hangs up the phone, snapping it shut in an attempt to relieve himself of his angst, his self-hatred. But it doesn't work. Nothing does. Nothing will.

Not even death.

He cannot do this to his family. He cannot do this to Alice, to Jasper. Rosalie, Emmett. Carlisle, Esme.

Bella.

He winces; her name is not one that he cares to repeat. To remember, certainly. He clings to the memories of his angel, feeds off of them. The good memories, not the bad ones. Not the ones where he hurt her.

Sometimes, it seems as if the bad memories outweigh the good ones.

He has hurt her so much. But if he is to stop existing, he will not be there to protect her from coming to even more harm. And although he wants her to live normally, he is not willing to force her to adapt to a regular human lifestyle at the expense of her life taken too early.

He sits, resolved, prepared to wait out the rest of eternity in misery.

The phone rings again. Again, he glances at the caller ID. He expects it to be Alice, calling to force him to apologize for his rudeness. He is wrong.

It is Rosalie. She speaks; he scarcely listens. If he is to survive for the rest of eternity, he cannot allow himself to think, to listen. He cannot allow himself to feel. He hears three words which break easily through his mind's barrier.

"She is dead."

He does not speak; he cannot.

"I am so sorry, Edward," Rosalie continues hastily. "Alice didn't see it – too late. She was….a cliff…she jumped…suicide..."

He does not hear. He does not care. He knows that he must see her.

Again, he hangs up on one that is dear to him.

He exits the room, leaving all his belongings. He takes with him only three things. Nay, two. He brings not his heart. His heart rests with his love, six feet beneath the muddy earth of Forks, Washington.

Nay, one. He does not have a soul to bring – he brings but one possession with him.

His pain.

He lies silently by the grave of the girl he left. The girl he loves. Her name is Bella.

It says so on the grave marker.

_Isabella Swan_

_Bella will be_

_Loved and missed_

_For eternity_

He sighs, lifting his face off of the wet grass, his bronze hair dull; the trees block the moon's light. His hair falls in damp strands in front of his pallid face.

With one hand, he gently strokes the edge of the cold stone. Trailing his long, white fingers down the side of the gravestone, he brings his ochre eyes down to stare at the newly churned soil beneath his body.

He thinks of the body beneath the soil. His expression grows pained. More pained than before, if that is even possible. He fingers a handful of soil, letting it fall through his fingers.

His pale lips part slightly. A shaky breath is let forth; his throat quavers, and a single word trembles on his lips.

"Bella." The word is not spoken with the velvety-smooth voice that is usual for him. It is harsh, cutting, sharp, broken.

_Broken_. He begins to sing a haunting tune.

"_Now I lay thee down to sleep."_

He lets the last of the soil fall to the earth.

"_I pray the Lord your soul to keep."_

He traces the words _Isabella Swan _engraved intricately into the stone.

"_My angel…"_

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly, blinking back the tears that would never fall, would never even exist.

"…_watch me throughout the night. Bring me to you at morning's light."_

He pushes himself up off of the ground, careful not to place any pressure on the grave's topsoil. He strokes the soil. His voice grows in strength with every word, ceasing to break.

"_Now I lay thee to thy rest._

_I prayed to God, I tried my best._

_When you among the angels be_

_All through the night watch over me."_

He slowly gets to his feet, using his arm to support his muscled body. Raising his face towards the moon, now visible between the tops of the trees, he speaks boldly to the sky, almost shouting at the stars. He curses them mentally, for being so bright, so happy. So shining. So full of light and laughter and love.

"_Now I lay me to my grave._

_If heaven-sent, I'll be your slave._

_If not, angel, watch over me._

_When I among the demons be._

He kneels once again in front of the grave. Kissing the soil softly, he whispers, "Good-bye my angel, my Bella." He closes his eyes. "My love."

He reaches into his pocket and fingers the one-way ticket to Italy.

**(A/N) – I hope you like this part of my Twilight-based poems. Remember, I always love it when ya'll review!**

**Remember this, too – I take suggestions from reviewers, whether it be on a story or a poem. If you want a section of any of the three books for me to write a poem on, I will. If you want a story with a certain theme, and you have an idea that you want me to write about, I'm always, always, ALWAYS open for suggestions! Thank you guys so much – happy holidays, and Merry Christmas!**


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